He Said, “I Don’t Think Your Company Is Worthy of My Time.” I Was Flabbergasted and Hurt!

I know about blurting things out before I had a chance to think. At five-years-old, I was already in trouble.

It was the middle of the 1950s and my mother was summoned to talk with my first grade teacher, Miss Fulton, after school. Miss Fulton had me wait until all the kids left the room, and then I went out with Miss Fulton.

My mother, befuddled and holding my baby brother, stood beside the classroom door, not knowing at all what had occurred. Miss Fulton began.

“Joyce has a lot of energy. She’s not disruptive, but her energy level in finishing assignments–and she does them well–is too much to bear. And she’s fast with her retorts. I have trouble keeping pace with her and how quickly she does anything.”

I felt empathy for Ms. Fulton, and my mother hung her head in shame. (Rather, I should have been given an award, in my opinion).

There was nothing I could do about my mother, but I quickly blurted out to Miss Fulton, “You should take Geritol. It will give you more energy.”

Miss Fulton, and my mother who suddenly raised her head, stared at me.

“I saw Geritol advertised on television. That how I know,” I added.

Miss Fulton, with her eyebrows raised in self-satisfaction and a “See? What did I tell you?” look on her face, went back in the classroom, content her description of me was not hyperbolic.

And my mother, who thought that was a rude comment on my part, didn’t speak with me on the ride home.

(Today, they would call the parents and the police if the child brought a gun to school. How times have changed. Couldn’t keep pace with me. Ridiculous!) 

Anyway, I have another story that happened last week of an unsubscribed Brain Exchange member who had a CVA (cerebral vascular accident, aka a stroke), after I sent out a newsletter that beckoned our members to participate. He said, “Goodbye” instantly.

I wanted to know more.

“Was it something that we did? Or just too busy with life?” I inquired.

He could have chosen one from the short list, but rather he replied, “I don’t think your company is worthy of my time.”

Oof. That comment hurt. He had degreed letters after his name, but I didn’t let that stop me.

I replied, “You think highly of yourself, but you’re just like me–disabled.”

No reply.

Was I too harsh? Let’s examine this fully.

This situation is relegated, according to the experts, to narcissistic behavior in everybody who has it, including the Brain Exchange member, (completely ignoring the Brain Exchange mission, by the way). 

In a study by Day, Townsend, and Grenyer, the conclusion  indicated “the overarching theme of ‘Grandiosity’ involved participants as requiring admiration, displaying arrogant, entitled, envious and exploitative behaviors, engaging in grandiose fantasy, lacking in empathy, having a grandiose sense of self-importance, believing in own sense of ‘specialness,’ and being interpersonally charming.”

In another study, narcissism as the theme, in Current Directions in Psychological Science, a paper by Miller et al., they suggested “the desire for social status motivates narcissistic behavior,” (thus the letters after his name?).

Yet in a further study, Pascal Wallisch, a clinical associate professor in both New York University’s Department of Psychology and Center for Data Science and the senior author which appeared in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, concludes, “Our work reveals that these narcissists are not grandiose, but rather insecure, and this is how they seem to cope with their insecurities.”

Having researched, you and I all know people who have narcissism.

But keeping to the theme at hand–that is, stroke–aside from healthy individuals, what is the relationship between stroke and narcissism?

In a study by University of Chicago Medicine psychiatrist and personality disorder specialist Royce Lee, MD, found that “Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is marked by increased oxidative stress in the blood and is also connected to interpersonal hypersensitivity.

“Oxidative stress is a molecular imbalance between antioxidants and free radicals, or reactive oxygen molecules in the body. The imbalance creates stress on the body because it must metabolize excessive oxidative chemicals that go to the brain and throughout the body.

“Additionally, the study found that NPD represents a disorder of hypersensitivity. When dealing with interpersonal stress, someone with NPD might appear aloof on the outside.

“But on the inside, the study results suggest it’s actually hypersensitivity to the environment. That means there could be a possible relationship between oxidative stress and how people act on their emotions.”

Getting back to the initals-degreed fellow, I think Dr. Lee might have the answer: a relationship between oxydative stress (because in a stroke, oxygen is lost to the brain, thus the body’s stress) and narcissism. 

So all this is to say, we both had strokes and both suffered from oxygen loss to our respective brains. He couldn’t help his thoughts about my unworthiness just like I couldn’t stop myself from my harsh remark.

That is the explanation upon which the big blurts–he and I–stand for stroke survivors. I don’t know if he was narcissistic before, but he has NPD big time now.

But that leaves us with Miss Fulton, my mother, and me, the big blurter. So as I see it, Miss Fulton was being foolish and entitled, expecting me to slow down to satisfy her, my mother was being insecure, and I was just being an outspoken brat. At 75 years old now, what else is new!