To Boldly Go Where No Insect Has Gone Before: Fuckin’ Fungus Gnats

The adult fungus gnat can lay about three hundred eggs in its short lifespan, about two weeks, unless you’re lucky enough to smash one. (PETA people, forget it. Even you would find them annoying). Eggs are laid in fertile, moist soil at the base of plants and turn into larvae, rapidly increasing in size as they munch through organic matter in soil.

If you overwater the plants, too much wetness will propel the development of fungus gnats and the roots will begin to rot, making the ideal meal that fungus gnats love. In addition, you might find the fungus gnats enjoying the plants themselves if there’s not any organic matter (dead, decomposed worms, for example) left. 

A root drench with one part hydrogen peroxide and four parts water (you have to wait until the mixture runs all the way through the plant and out the drainage hole) is best rather than spraying the plants with insecticide because it rids the problem. You’ll have to put up with the gnats for two weeks longer if they’ve already hatched.

Two weeks ago, there was an infestation before I read about the hydrogen peroxide mixture. So the African Violets and the poinsettia plants, which are very susceptible to fungus gnat damage, didn’t succeed. But so far, the other plants came through the process.

So for a week thereafter, I wore a surgical mask 24/7 to keep the fungus gnats from being sucked up into my nose. But I have a few more orifices, like my ears and eyes, for example, and I used appropriate rinses in them, too.